Dr Turner Round is a nerdy sports scientist. He’s chosen me to help him share his deep scientific knowledge about triathlon.
Hello triathletes of all species.
Now that you can get your wetsuit off REALLY FAST (see Tri Tips 3) you can move forward to learn more about going backwards.
If you don’t understand, read Tri Tips 2, where I explain how BACKWARDS is the new FORWARDS and why you should always run backwards.
NOW … Like most triathletes who don’t know any better, you probably think the best way to swim and cycle is forwards. Think again.
Backwards cycling
Oho, I hear you say, we’ve got him now. You can’t put a bike in reverse. The chain will fall off!
Oh dear. Have you ever tried turning your seat and pedals around? It takes a while to get used to but so does sex.
About three seconds.
So don’t tell me you can’t do it backwards.
Dr Turner Round wearing his Gucci lab coat indicates correct direction for backwards cycling.
Now for swimming
I can practically hear your heads nodding. Backstroke, you say. He’s going to tell us to do backstroke and we all know freestyle is faster than backstroke. Even butterfly is faster than backstroke.
Yawn.
The thing is, I’m not talking about the old backstroke. I’m talking about the new backstroke.
All my triathletes are now doing upside down backstroke.
It’s easy. Just float face-down while rotating your your legs above the water.
Site of upside down backwards swimming demonstration. Efforts are continuing to locate the triathlete.
Helpful information
In case you’re wondering, most ballerinas can effortlessly perform these techniques after only two years. And as we all know, today’s ballerinas are tomorrow’s triathletes.
One of Dr Turner Round’s most accomplished ballerina triathletes in action
Just do what she’s doing and you too can become a champion in up to two years.
(Pick the word that’s been spelt three different ways in this caption and you’ll be eligible for a free training camp supervised by Dr Turner Round.)
Dr Turner Round will be taking some leave over Christmas to experiment on with triathletes at his secret training camp.
So enjoy a Merry Christmas and fully comply with relevant instructions.
Dr Turner Round MD, M St, X2
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